Last Male Heir To Bloodline Watches Movie Alone On Laptop

Ever think about what your ancestors have been through to ensure that you would be alive today? Ever think about what trials and tribulations your tribe or clan has been through to ensure its survival? Our oral histories have us crossing ice fields, canoeing beneath glaciers, slaying beasts, defending our territories, going in search of new territories, founding great cities, opening new trade routes, and vanquishing foes. The problems our communities face today pale in comparison to these feats, accomplishments and challenges. And, just like then, overcoming these problems will take strong leaders and action.

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Last Male Heir To Bloodline Watches Movie Alone On Laptop
The Onion

CULVER CITY, CA—Nathan Brandten, the last remaining male heir to a rich genetic lineage stretching dozens of generations into the dim and distant past, watched a movie alone on his laptop late Friday evening, sources reported.

Brandten, 32, the final product of a dwindling bloodline that his proud forebears fought relentlessly to advance even before the dawn of history, decided to spend his free time after work watching the 1989 Tom Hanks comedy film The ‘Burbs.

“I think I’ll just stay in tonight,” said Brandten, whose scared and frostbitten ancestors traversed the icy Bering Strait into a bewildering and perilous new world so that his precious genetic material might one day flourish. “Thank God for Netflix streaming.”

“I remember Hanks being pretty funny in this,” continued the man whose storied surname will very likely end with him. “You got to love his early stuff.”

According to the descendant of Bronze Age Nordic boatmen who sailed fearlessly across the North Sea in a tireless quest for self- preservation, he was initially torn between watching The ‘Burbs and the 1995 showbiz farce Get Shorty.

Read the rest.

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About Vince

I am a Tlingit, born and raised in Tlingit Country, and a proud member of the Tlingit Nation.
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